Bachelor Book Review: Andi Dorfman’s It’s Not Okay
Don’t you just love getting packages? This weekend, I came home to an envelope on my doorstep from my book agent in New York. Inside was a copy of It’s Not Okay by Andi Dorfman, the Bachelorette from two seasons ago who got the gig after telling Juan Pablo off on The Bachelor.
I remember reading the news that she had a book coming out — and that she had signed with my book agent. I was a little surprised that the news came to me via Us Weekly rather than my own agent or Andi herself, but that’s another conversation…
I have only met Andi briefly, during the premiere of Chris Soules season of The Bachelor, when we both attended ABC’s red carpet event. It also happened to be the same week Andi and Josh Murray announced their split.
Andi seemed nice during our brief encounter but let’s just say I wasn’t shocked hearing the break up news the next day. I saw first hand Josh’s wandering eye for myself on the red carpet and he’s what I like to call a “sniffer.” Always looking for something more than what he has.
At the time, I remember feeling bad for Andi. Having been through such a public relationship and breakup myself, I knew how much she must have been hurting that night and how hard it would’ve been to put on a brave face for the world.
Since I heard about her book, I’ve been looking forward to reading her side of the story and gaining a little insight beyond my brief encounter.
I feel like I can relate to what she’s been through and maybe even gain a different perspective on the whole experience. Also, having written a tell-all myself, I was dying to hear the real reasons she and Josh broke up and see how much she was willing to reveal.
“We’ve all known the kind of heartbreak that knocks you on your ass and leaves you feeling hopeless.” – Andi
I admit I haven’t totally finished it yet, but I have read enough to know that It’s Not Okay is super relatable and funny.
Anyone who has ever been through heartbreak, will love how direct she is (Hello! Just reread that quote!). At one point she compares her relationship to a Louis Vuitton purse, adding “which I think is actually quite generous” — what was once a dream purse is now collecting dust in her parents attic.
“As I sit here crying and drowning my sorrows with a bottle of rose (I’ll switch to red once the sun goes down)”
Real talk o’clock: I respect and admire Andi for being brave enough to share her story. I know how scary it is to be so vulnerable and open. Writing a book about your life experience is truly a labor of love, especially when you have so many hoops to jump through to get from concept to writing to final print.
That said, it’s not a home run for me (sorry, too soon on the baseball references?). What doesn’t translate as well as it could have are her feelings about how the show changed her life, how she moved from the girl no one knew to everyone’s favorite and into who she is now.
At times, it comes across like this happened to her, with distinct tints of negative “woe is me” narratives.
I also wish she would’ve used the names of her suitors rather than calling them “number 1” and “number 26,” as it’s both annoying to read and assumes everyone has watched her season.
For me, it was important to tell my story in a way that could translate to someone who has never seen an episode of the show. I’m not sure Andi had the same approach.
For fans hoping for some shade throwing in Josh’s direction, there’s plenty. This gem, for instance:
“As much as I am ready to move on and start substituting the negative with positives, I also want him to suffer as I do it. Is that bad? Basically, I want revenge. I want him to pay for all the shit he put me through, both during and after our relationship. I want him to suffer just like I have. Shit, maybe I’m not done with the cleanse phase after all.”
I’ve thought a lot about why the whole relationship irks me. I think the thing that makes me so mad is that I can’t believe a guy who talked about baseball in his proposal and, from Andi’s account, sounds crazy controlling, somehow wounded such a strong woman. The badass district attorney we saw straight-up school the clueless JP on national television once yelled about how it was not okay. Yet here she is, in tears over a jock.
At the end of every chapter, Andi shares some of the lessons learned. A few of my favorites…
“Bad relationships go out of style, happiness never does.”
“Grab your girls, get dolled up, and get over yourself. Everyone else has.”
But I don’t relate completely with all of her sentiments, thanks to a little time and distance. For example, she writes:
“Do I think I made a mistake getting engaged? Yes. Obviously, considering it didn’t last. Do I regret it? Yes. I regret the fact that I will never get that first proposal back; that moment won’t go to my husband, but rather will always belong to my ex. But, I’ve never believed in living free of regrets, it’s too much pressure.”
I can relate to the part where she leaned on her friends and family for strength. And perhaps she should have taken my father’s advice: “Never date a ball player.”
My advice? Don’t let anything “belong” to your ex, my dear. I felt the same way, right after my breakup. But you know what? I got over it, I let go of my disappointment, my ego, and got out of my head when I got wrapped up thinking about my regrets or how I had ruined the vision of the way my life would play out.
Let’s all hope that the person we say forever to says, “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.”
Oh, and Andi? If you write a second book, could you pretty please address the Chris Harrison dating rumors? I’d buy that book for sure.